Faith Sometimes Equals Incomprehensible

When I first met Joy's grandmother, Mimi, she was in her mid 90's.  We sat and talked and she told me her life verse was Proverbs 3:5-6.  Many of you know that passage.  The part that gets me is "lean not on your own understanding".  In 95 years, Mimi had learned the meaning of that.  She understood that not understanding is understandingly difficult to understand- but, it is a necessary and integral part of faith.

All too often we want to understand where, why, and how about our situation when we should just settle for what.  God will show us what to do in most situations but the other things require faith.

Going to Haiti as full time missionaries was easier than us coming home.  God graciously made it clear what we were supposed to do.
What = Stay in the U.S. to handle family needs. Not what we wanted but at least we knew it was God's plan.
Where = "I'll show you".
Why = "I'll show you".
How = "I'll show you".

Come on God.  Can't I get just a little more than that?  Why make it so difficult?

We ended up having to live in south Florida... no family... no friends... no ministry partners... no optometry license... no church...no job... no network... no connections...

"God, why not let us move back to NC?  I can do optometry there.  Our home church is there.  All of our family and friends are there.  The people that helped us go to Haiti are there.  Our kids have friends there. God, can't I just "lean on my own understanding" this one time?"

I tried to get a job in a church as missions pastor or something...dead end - Why?
We sent our kids to what we thought was the right choice for Christian school...had to move them - Why?
We had some retirement savings we took out to live on...it ran out- Why?
Joy had no friends there, no support network, no one to talk to about our feelings about leaving Haiti...depression- Why?

How...Do we pay our bills?
          Do we get the kids the help they needed?
          Minister since we are no longer in Haiti?
          Deal with depression?

Where do we go to church, to school, to work, to fellowship, to minister, to heal, to cry, to grow?

God I just don't UNDERSTAND!...
"Good...now I can do what I had planned all along..."- God

Jacy and I spent hours together getting her caught up on school she had missed by being in Haiti- our relationship grew in ways I know will be impacting to her for her entire life...

I eventually took a job as a tech in a doctors office since I could not practice optometry- It humbled me and helped me see things about myself that I had overlooked- I will always be a better doctor now...

All of our kids spent time with just us as a family getting to know America and the cool things it offers without outside influence- we share a special bond because of it...

I learned more about being for Joy what she needs when no one else is there.- I did a pretty crumby job most of the time but it drew us closer together...

I was offered a job in GA that I never would have been offered if we were in NC- It led us to a church with a pastor that let me preach a few times and then when he moved they called me to be the interim- God is moving in the church and we are getting to be a part of it...

Joy is ministering to a community of believers in a way that she never has before.- She is going to Haiti next week to visit with a healed heart...

There are still lots of things about our circumstances that I don't understand...How long will we be in GA?....How long will we be in the US?... What does our ministry future hold?...How will our kids continue to progress?...Will I ever figure out how to be what Joy needs?...

But I have learned that the first of that verse in Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord" and that is becoming a sweeter and sweeter ride as I learn to do it!  Help me "lean not on my own understanding"!

Remembering Natalie

22 year old Natalie was too proud to come ask me for help. Unlike most people in the village she did not want to ask for a handout. Although she was young, she had become a leader among the women living down by the river doing whatever it took to get food to feed her two kids. But then when her father, a fisherman and leader in the community, died unexpectedly, she sought help and we were there. We were able to help her rent a house with a couple of the other women in our program and she started working in the feeding program preparing food for the elderly. Her little frame betrayed the size of her spunk. Her big smile and forthright nature endeared her to all of the Americans who came to visit. She was ambitious and constantly wanting to meet to talk about possible ways for her to provide for her family. She became the spokes person for the ladies group and often confronted me when they felt there was a problem. I had much time with her to share the truth of the gospel and her need for Jesus. We had a good relationship. As other programs began to pull me away from spending everyday in the fish village, God sent Kelsea, an intern from Colorado, who took over much of the work with the women. She became close friends with Natalie and kept me updated on things in the program. We were eventually able to start a house for Natalie and her family. But then she began to be sick. She missed many days of working. Many trips to the local government hospital did nothing to help her ailing condition. Then she started refusing to go back to the hospital and started losing weight. Against the prodding of friends she refused to go for AIDS testing. By the time she finally did, she was down to a shocking 67 pounds and barely able to walk. The tests came back positive and treatment was started but it was too late. She was dying. As we were visiting her the last time before our trip to the US, Joy and I were heart broken. She was lying on a mat on her little concrete porch. As we shooed away the flies she just smiled up at me and held my hand as tight as she could as we prayed with her and talked. She smiled as we told her we would bring her back a treat from America, all the time knowing she would never hold out that long. Just a week after we arrived home in late June she passed away. I pray she truly understand the commitment she made to Jesus and repented and gave her life to him. We pray her death will soften the hard hearts of the other ladies in the group and they will receive the gift of life. Natalie's two orphans tested HIV positive as well and we are working to figure out their future. Can there be a more "least of these" than an AIDS orphan in a slum of Haiti?

For God So Loved the World that He Gave...

Things have been rather complicated as of late.  We moved to Haiti 7 months before the earthquake.  We lived in a little apartment on top of a small orphanage.  After the quake we moved from there to a place we found that we could rent from a Frenchman for one year.  During that year God blessed and we were able to start a children's home and all of the other projects you can read about on this blog.  But then that year ended and the Frenchman did not want to renew the lease.  That left us home hunting again.

The place we left was a resort-like property on the water where we were able to enjoy the beauty of the Caribbean.  But it was very high maintenance and I had to spend lots of time and money generating electricity, pumping water, and fixing problems.  All of which had to be done after spending the day caring for the needs of the mission and the people we were ministering to.  So as we learned we would have to move we knew God would open a door for us...but as is often the case, it was not  until the last minute that it opened.

We looked and looked for a house that could accommodate a family of 8 and be secure and safe for the family during times of me being on the road or out late.  We also needed to be close to the mission and the fishing village.  As I was getting tired of looking for houses, Joy recommended that we go to the local hotels and ask if they had apartments or other properties to rent.  I hesitated as I thought that it would be too expensive even if they did have something.  So Joy took the initiative and called a friend that worked at one of the hotels and got us an appointment with the manager.  Long story short, we were able to work out a deal where I will serve as their eye doctor and our teams will stay there if they need a hotel, in exchange they let us rent the one 3 room apartment that they have that just so happens became available for the first time in three years.  So although we all 8 live in under 600 square feet, we love our new home.  It is safe, secure, and Joy has people there that speak English!

We have already been able to meet people from Germany, Bermuda, and several other missions as well as making connections that have allowed us to transport a patient via helicopter to PaP, hopefully provide a source of water for the Mission, and a connection with Samaritan's Purse to get OCC shoe boxes for our 1500 kids in Pastor Cesar's schools for next year...all in our first week at the new place.  God is so good!

We were at the mission Monday and little 5 month old Callie had a fever.  We started medication and thought she was doing okay.  Tuesday night she took a turn for the worse and died at 4 am Wednesday.  We do not know if she was suffering from an infection related to her mother's death a month ago or some other type of infection.  It was a painful loss of such a precious little child.  Mirlande was holding her as she died and so she is struggling with the reality of the loss.  It is still hard to believe she is gone.

So much more is going on with the orphanage, teams that are working with us, the fishing ministry which is really taking off, and a couple of new programs for women, and a building project to get the families out of tents by the river.  I will try to blog on each of those opportunities in the days to come.

John 3:16 is probably the most quoted verse in the Bible.  It says "For God so loved that world that He gave..."  What did God give?  If He has an unlimited supply of EVERYTHING, what could He give that would be a sacrifice?  The only thing He could possibly give that would be sacrificial to demonstrate His love for the world was Himself.  Anything else would have been simply giving out of His abundance but not a sacrifice.  Who did He give himself to?  The world.  So God demonstrated His love by giving Himself to the world.  He is our supreme example.  We are ALL called to do the same thing.  ALL of us.  We are not called to give a token out of our abundance.  We are called to give ourselves...to the world.  But that only comes when we- the same way God does- love the world.   And how do we as selfish, fearful, lazy, comfort seeking, pleasure driven creatures come to a place in our lives where we are willing to give OURSELVES to a sinful, stinky, deceitful, ungrateful, hateful world?    


I think there is only one way that can happen.  We have to get to KNOW God.  As we get to know God deeper intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and physically we begin to love Him more.  It is inevitable.  As we get to know a God that is the manifestation of love- God is love 1 John 4:8- we don't have to work up a churchy presentation of love.  We can't help but develop a deeper love for God.  It is the natural response of knowing "love".  As we know Him, we love Him.  As we love Him we develop a burning desire to demonstrate our love TO Him.

As we begin that process we often feel that religious activity can actually express our love to Him.  We often try to come up with ways to express our love out of true and righteous motives.  But eventually through continuing to seek Him, we find that His example in the most quoted verse of the Bible is the only way for us to truly show Him we love Him.  We must give ourselves.  And who do we literally give ourselves to?  The World.  It is the only way for us to show God we love Him.  Our love for the world is birthed in our desire to show God our love for Him.  It is all God's plan.  Why is it so hard for us to see that God so loved the world that He gave...Himself...so that we would give ourselves...to the world...so we can care for the poor, meet the needs of the orphans, be a voice for the oppressed, and a light in darkness so that the world will know God so loves them.  By doing so, we find the try meaning of faith, love, hope, life, and eternity.  So in the end we are the ones that truly receive the end product of God's love for the world.  What an awesome God to allow us to be such an integral part of His plan for His world.

We are all in that plan somewhere.  We start off as the recipient of someone else's understanding of God and their desire to love Him so they share love with us.  Then we progress to the place where we are working through the religious facade of what love for God looks like.  And finally we get to where we understand that to know God, means to love God, and a desire to give ourselves WHOLLY to His world and we spend the rest of our lives on earth trying to learn what that looks like for us individually.  In the process, God saves us, and redeems us, and matures us.  Where are you today?