Faith Sometimes Equals Incomprehensible

When I first met Joy's grandmother, Mimi, she was in her mid 90's.  We sat and talked and she told me her life verse was Proverbs 3:5-6.  Many of you know that passage.  The part that gets me is "lean not on your own understanding".  In 95 years, Mimi had learned the meaning of that.  She understood that not understanding is understandingly difficult to understand- but, it is a necessary and integral part of faith.

All too often we want to understand where, why, and how about our situation when we should just settle for what.  God will show us what to do in most situations but the other things require faith.

Going to Haiti as full time missionaries was easier than us coming home.  God graciously made it clear what we were supposed to do.
What = Stay in the U.S. to handle family needs. Not what we wanted but at least we knew it was God's plan.
Where = "I'll show you".
Why = "I'll show you".
How = "I'll show you".

Come on God.  Can't I get just a little more than that?  Why make it so difficult?

We ended up having to live in south Florida... no family... no friends... no ministry partners... no optometry license... no church...no job... no network... no connections...

"God, why not let us move back to NC?  I can do optometry there.  Our home church is there.  All of our family and friends are there.  The people that helped us go to Haiti are there.  Our kids have friends there. God, can't I just "lean on my own understanding" this one time?"

I tried to get a job in a church as missions pastor or something...dead end - Why?
We sent our kids to what we thought was the right choice for Christian school...had to move them - Why?
We had some retirement savings we took out to live on...it ran out- Why?
Joy had no friends there, no support network, no one to talk to about our feelings about leaving Haiti...depression- Why?

How...Do we pay our bills?
          Do we get the kids the help they needed?
          Minister since we are no longer in Haiti?
          Deal with depression?

Where do we go to church, to school, to work, to fellowship, to minister, to heal, to cry, to grow?

God I just don't UNDERSTAND!...
"Good...now I can do what I had planned all along..."- God

Jacy and I spent hours together getting her caught up on school she had missed by being in Haiti- our relationship grew in ways I know will be impacting to her for her entire life...

I eventually took a job as a tech in a doctors office since I could not practice optometry- It humbled me and helped me see things about myself that I had overlooked- I will always be a better doctor now...

All of our kids spent time with just us as a family getting to know America and the cool things it offers without outside influence- we share a special bond because of it...

I learned more about being for Joy what she needs when no one else is there.- I did a pretty crumby job most of the time but it drew us closer together...

I was offered a job in GA that I never would have been offered if we were in NC- It led us to a church with a pastor that let me preach a few times and then when he moved they called me to be the interim- God is moving in the church and we are getting to be a part of it...

Joy is ministering to a community of believers in a way that she never has before.- She is going to Haiti next week to visit with a healed heart...

There are still lots of things about our circumstances that I don't understand...How long will we be in GA?....How long will we be in the US?... What does our ministry future hold?...How will our kids continue to progress?...Will I ever figure out how to be what Joy needs?...

But I have learned that the first of that verse in Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord" and that is becoming a sweeter and sweeter ride as I learn to do it!  Help me "lean not on my own understanding"!